Heartbeat
Heartbeat: Ask Dr. Pepper Schwartz
The column answering your questions or discussing topics on sexuality, love, and relationships
Are Women More Trusting?
Not so much...
Who to trust is a daily decision, and those decision-making moments present themselves so often that we may not realize we’re making them. When someone speaks to me in a line waiting for a movie, I generally don’t think they are secretly planning to steal my purse. When someone gives me directions, I don’t think…
Heartbeat: The Full Curve of Friendship
Maintaining a lifelong connection requires commitment and discipline
You have to live a long time to see the full curve of friendship. A while ago, we used to have a thing called a Rolodex or an address book. Remember those? You had a compendium of addresses and phone numbers of most people you knew, but maybe you put that antique way of remembering…
Heartbeat: The Ongoing Struggle for Women’s Rights
Why resilience, advocacy, and empowerment are more important now than ever
I am old enough to have experienced several “firsts.” I was admitted to Yale graduate school before it admitted undergraduate women. I was one of the first two women hired by the University of Washington’s Department of Sociology that were eligible for “ladder positions” (the possibility of tenure). I was one of the first three…
Heartbeat: I Have My Escape. What’s Yours?
My post-election trauma has me seeking solace in anything but the news
I am in a cycle that certain people are going through after the presidential election. It’s a classic case of grief, refusal, some level of acceptance, and hopefully renewal. I don’t know if just avoidance and escape are part of the model, but they certainly are for me. My reaction? The morning news was part…
Avoid These Common Conversation Crimes
When to talk, when to not, and what not to say to your partner
Because of my work with couples and relationships both as a researcher and an on-air relationship expert, I have observed many intimate conversations ranging from sweet and loving to harsh, nasty, and even vindictive. I have noticed when the best course would be just to listen, and when it’s time to respond. I am also…
When Your Mind Makes a Promise That Your Body Can’t Fill
Aging is inevitable. We must accept it with grace and gratitude.
Denial is not always a bad thing. I practice it religiously, albeit selectively. I know my age is getting close to the beginning of my eighth decade, but I choose to see that as just the start of another one. I am also into denial about what my true hair color might be if I…
Let’s Redefine ‘Retirement’
It must be more than just leisure and fun, or else we’ll slide downhill
Given my desire to avoid retirement, I was lucky that after I ended my 50-year tenure with the sociology department at the University of Washington, I was able to continue to be employed as a relationship expert on Married at First Sight, a reality television show on the Lifetime television network. It cushioned my transition from being a…
Is Honesty the Best Policy in Relationships? Uh, Sometimes
All 'rules' have exceptions
I know that there is generally an ironclad sentiment that honesty is always best. But I would like to propose a reexamination of that “always” word. Because I think, no matter how much we all want to know the truth about everything, that the absolute truth is sometimes too brutal, and sometimes too destructive, to use or hear…
The Therapy Revolution
Changing your ability to love, one session at a time
To my mind, some form of counseling or therapy is helpful in preparation for meeting someone, in maintenance of a relationship, in repair when relationships stall or shatter, and in support when you have to start the whole dance over again.
Photo by Glasshouse Images/Getty
Gender-Bending in the Wilderness
Intense outdoor trip defied conventions
I had confidence in the team, even though this river had rapids that were rated as Class III and IV (translation: a little hair-raising and you get really wet), but I had taken a similar journey with the same company more than 15 years ago, so I knew there was going to be an emphasis on safety, and it would be exciting and well-executed. That said, I was nervous, though I wasn’t sure that my back and bladder were going to be as accommodating as they had been some years ago.
Aging Well Really Is The Best Revenge
We can all learn something from the late Tina Turner
I’m bothered by the term “aging gracefully,” whatever that means. I think a better phrase is “aging dynamically,” being your vital, wisest self, a carefully-curated product of living and learning over many years. I know. I am not trying to be Sally Sunshine here and overlook the harsher aspects of being in the third and…
About Heartbeat
Welcome to my world!
I spend a lot of time thinking about intimate relationships.
If you’ve read any of my previous work as a professor at the University of Washington, or watched me on television, you know that I care about what keeps people together, what drives them apart and what gives them pleasure. I am curious about trends, but also unique behaviors. I look at people above the clavicle and below the waist. It’s all interesting and important to me.
I know it is to you, too. I want to hear what you’re thinking. Please ask me questions or give your point of view at Pepper@seattlemag.com and I will respond, if appropriate, online and perhaps in print.
Let’s have some meaningful conversations – and some fun while we’re at it!
So, what’s on my mind today?
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