Expert Advice
Are Women More Trusting?
Not so much...
Who to trust is a daily decision, and those decision-making moments present themselves so often that we may not realize we’re making them. When someone speaks to me in a line waiting for a movie, I generally don’t think they are secretly planning to steal my purse. When someone gives me directions, I don’t think…
Heartbeat: The Full Curve of Friendship
Maintaining a lifelong connection requires commitment and discipline
You have to live a long time to see the full curve of friendship. A while ago, we used to have a thing called a Rolodex or an address book. Remember those? You had a compendium of addresses and phone numbers of most people you knew, but maybe you put that antique way of remembering…
Clarity: How to Create Habits That Prompt Mindful Self-Care
Enough with procrastination. I know what I need to do.
Eight years ago, I had to stop drinking because I couldn’t be trusted to consume alcohol with anything that resembled responsibility. I’ve also been diagnosed with depression, for which my doctor has prescribed a daily combination of citalopram (Celexa) and bupropion (Wellbutrin). My cholesterol, though? I’d really rather not discuss that. I certainly don’t want…
Heartbeat: The Ongoing Struggle for Women’s Rights
Why resilience, advocacy, and empowerment are more important now than ever
I am old enough to have experienced several “firsts.” I was admitted to Yale graduate school before it admitted undergraduate women. I was one of the first two women hired by the University of Washington’s Department of Sociology that were eligible for “ladder positions” (the possibility of tenure). I was one of the first three…
Clarity: Back to Where it All Began
Seattle is different than it once was. That doesn’t mean it’s worse.
I like to tell people that sports brought me to Seattle. This is technically correct: My first trip to the city was to watch a college basketball game. This was back in 1987, and I was 12 years old. The truth is that generosity is what got me here, though. My family lived in Southern…
Heartbeat: I Have My Escape. What’s Yours?
My post-election trauma has me seeking solace in anything but the news
I am in a cycle that certain people are going through after the presidential election. It’s a classic case of grief, refusal, some level of acceptance, and hopefully renewal. I don’t know if just avoidance and escape are part of the model, but they certainly are for me. My reaction? The morning news was part…
Avoid These Common Conversation Crimes
When to talk, when to not, and what not to say to your partner
Because of my work with couples and relationships both as a researcher and an on-air relationship expert, I have observed many intimate conversations ranging from sweet and loving to harsh, nasty, and even vindictive. I have noticed when the best course would be just to listen, and when it’s time to respond. I am also…
When Your Mind Makes a Promise That Your Body Can’t Fill
Aging is inevitable. We must accept it with grace and gratitude.
Denial is not always a bad thing. I practice it religiously, albeit selectively. I know my age is getting close to the beginning of my eighth decade, but I choose to see that as just the start of another one. I am also into denial about what my true hair color might be if I…
Let’s Redefine ‘Retirement’
It must be more than just leisure and fun, or else we’ll slide downhill
Given my desire to avoid retirement, I was lucky that after I ended my 50-year tenure with the sociology department at the University of Washington, I was able to continue to be employed as a relationship expert on Married at First Sight, a reality television show on the Lifetime television network. It cushioned my transition from being a…
Is Honesty the Best Policy in Relationships? Uh, Sometimes
All 'rules' have exceptions
I know that there is generally an ironclad sentiment that honesty is always best. But I would like to propose a reexamination of that “always” word. Because I think, no matter how much we all want to know the truth about everything, that the absolute truth is sometimes too brutal, and sometimes too destructive, to use or hear…
Clarity: Pete Carroll’s Quirky, Lasting Legacy
We won't see another NFL coach like him again
I covered sports for more than 20 years in this city, and I should know better than catching feelings for a coach. Besides, the most unusual thing about Carroll’s firing is that he lasted this long. Pete may not have been able to win forever, as his book proclaimed, but lasting 14 years is closer than almost everyone thought he’d come when he took the job.
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