Lucien Postlewaite: Lessons from a Lifetime of Dance

Lucien Postlewaite: What I aim for is to be of service through my performance and through my coaching work. If I can create a moment for an audience member where they are able to transcend the moments of their life, to connect to something bigger, to connect to hope, love these attributes that are connecting and bigger than us.

That’s really connected to my purpose.

Rachel Gallaher: Hi, I’m Rachel Gallaher, editor-in-chief at Seattle Magazine, and on this episode of the Seattle Podcast, I’m sitting down with Pacific Northwest Ballet Dancer, Lucien Postlewaite, who is set to retire at the end of this season. As one of the company’s longest running principal dancers. Lucien spent nearly 20 years at PNB and he has danced some of the industry’s most iconic roles, becoming a beloved audience favorite.

Now, as he gears up to step off the stage and onto an exciting career, we have the opportunity to look [00:01:00] back on all he’s accomplished and all that lies ahead. Lucien, thanks for joining us today.

Lucien Postlewaite: Thank you, Rachel, for having me on that warm welcome. I am delighted to be here with you.

Rachel Gallaher: So I kicked off our chat a few weeks ago with this same question, but as you’re prepping for your next few shows, which I’m sure is always exciting, you’re also drawing closer to the end of the season, which means closer to your retirement.

Last time I asked you this, you said you were ready and prepared. How are you feeling right now?

Lucien Postlewaite: Wow. I am feeling multi-dimensional. yes, I’m feeling ready and prepared, and as I get closer, there have been some other emotions creeping in. Mm-hmm. I’ve had the opportunity to connect with audience members who have been really celebratory of my career and felt their grief.

and that’s landed for me. Oh. So I feel like, The cup of, of emotion, of feeling is, is deepening as I get closer. But, I really feel yes prepared. I’ve had a wonderful career that has given me so much and I’ve had the opportunity to [00:02:00] give so much through my career and, really just I feel like I’m blossoming in this moment in life.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. That’s beautiful. What can you share, about your decision to retire this year? Was there a moment when you knew that it was time or was it a series of things that built up, you know, over a couple of years?

Lucien Postlewaite: Sure. one of the things about being a ballet dancer, at least for me, is that my instrument is my body.

And so I am highly tuned with it. So it means a lot of listening. To my body. And so I would say it’s been a gradual, a gradual evolution. I’ve been processing the end of my career for many years, maybe since my early thirties. Oh wow. Wow. So quite some time.

Rachel Gallaher: So over, over a decade.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: Not to call it at your age, sorry.

Lucien Postlewaite: That’s fine. It’s not something I’m shy about. I’m very proud to be 42 and to be performing at this caliber. It’s not a story that I had for myself. I, I really was planning to retire about. Eight years ago. Okay. and so I was processing it then, and [00:03:00] then life continued to show me that there was more work to be done.

There was more to learn more ways I could grow.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: and I still feel that, but I do feel that my body, it takes me more work. To work with my body. so it mean it involves a lot of care, a lot of a, a big care team. Mm-hmm. And so through listening to my body, and developing other skills that I have in my life that has really aligned to this moment where I just feel that this is the time, I want to leave the stage while I’m still performing at my peak, and then be able to just transcend and lift off into my next chapter.

Rachel Gallaher: Leap into it.

Lucien Postlewaite: Leap into,

Rachel Gallaher: as we could say.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: So can you tell us about your, you know, next steps? What are you stepping into?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. Wonderful. Concurrently to having this career, I’m working as an excellence coach, helping other people to, live a life of personally defined excellence.

Which, [00:04:00] I feel really fortunate in my work that has been the work that I’ve done as a ballet dancer since I was a child. Learning these tools to self-coach, learning from my great teachers how to be my best self. And so now I take these skills and combine them with other education and all the other learnings that I’ve had throughout life to able to support other people and make their personal excellence accessible.

Rachel Gallaher: That’s fantastic. I am excited to follow you on that journey. Thank you. speaking of childhood and dancing, I wanna jump back a bit for those who are maybe not familiar with the dance world. Can you talk a little bit about the process of pursuing dance as a professional career in the context of your own story, starting from when you got into dance?

To you going to PNB?

Lucien Postlewaite: Sure. yeah, I, I love that you said my own story because everyone’s story is different, right. And mine, there, there’s definitely some continuity with other people who have, have reached the heights that I’ve reached. I started dancing when I. [00:05:00] Came out of my mother’s womb. I, I like to say you danced out.

I danced out. so I, anytime there was a, a floor that had a surface that I liked to glide on or, or jump on, I would be doing that. And so my folks noticed this. They had little lot of

Rachel Gallaher: energy.

Lucien Postlewaite: A lot of energy, And so they, they wanted to cultivate that in within me. They’re both Montessori educators and so they really saw this, this gift.

They had no dance background themselves. so they, they placed me in dance class and soccer and. Gymnastics and tap and all viol, anything you moving, right? Yeah. and, and so I, I did that in Santa Cruz where I’m from until I was 16. and then my teachers in Santa Cruz, they, they saw that I had this potential and that it was time for me to go to a bigger school where I could learn more, where I could develop as a professional or on the professional track.

So when I was 16, I moved to New York City and lived. [00:06:00] That

Rachel Gallaher: is wild.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: Also to think about.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. It was a lot. And I, I, I processed it more in my adult life, because at the time I didn’t have any, anything to relate it to. It was just my life and I was excited about this four trajectory. in hindsight.

Yeah, it was, it was really challenging to be a young person. Essentially alone in New York City.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: so I, I was there with a bunch of other people on the same track as me. I would say like maybe 30, 30 to 40 other dancers who were at my level. And we were at the premier school of, of this country, this school from New York City Ballet.

Mm-hmm. And that’s where I continued my training, developed a lot of skills, and then made my way to Pacific Northwest Ballet after two years training at the School of American Ballet.

Rachel Gallaher: Fantastic. And I remember you mentioning in our last conversation that when you were a child, you were the only boy in your ballet school and you had an opportunity at one point to go to, I think it was an intensive at St [00:07:00] in San Francisco.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: And that really opened your eyes that, oh, like there are a lot of men who do this as a professional career. Can you talk a little bit about what that moment was like for you?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, that’s right. Thank you for bringing that back. I, Huh. For much of my young life I was searching for belonging. Mm. I didn’t know where I fit in.

I knew that the ballet studio was a place that I felt at home, and yet at the same time, I didn’t see anybody else who looked like me. Mm. So that was pretty lonely. I was also like working on the, the demands for. Me versus the young girls in the school were very different. So I was the only one working on my track.

And so when I went to the San Francisco Ballet School and I was in a class full of other people like me more or less, that was really eye-opening.

Rachel Gallaher: Wonderful. And what advice would you have, for somebody, a young person today, a young man wanting to pursue a career in, in dance?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. I [00:08:00] would say follow your dream.

Mm. Follow your passion. I felt very fortunate. This is actually another reason that I felt alone as a young person, because most young people that I was around didn’t have a connection to purpose the way that I did. Mm-hmm. and so it. Made me question myself at times. Mm-hmm. so I would just encourage young dancers, young, anyone, if you have a dream, follow it.

because those are, those are rare gifts and rare messages that we don’t get very often to listen to.

Rachel Gallaher: Can you talk a little bit more expound on that idea? Like you had a connection to purpose. I mean, most people at that age. Have no idea, you know, what they, they want to do or, or, you know, they’re just exploring.

when you say that, do you mean a purpose as in dancing and, and how did you, you know, when did you first feel that or how did you know that? Or have you just always known?

Lucien Postlewaite: Hmm. I think a good story that sort of encapsulates this is that like. There was one day that my mom was driving me to ballet class.

Mm-hmm. And I was feeling unwell. I was, I had like a upset [00:09:00] stomach and she was like, you know, you don’t have to go to class. She was trying to be like a nurturing mother and, and Right. Support me and I, she actually remembers this more than I do. She told me that in that moment, I. Said, no, mom. I always feel better when I’m in ballet class.

I know that I’ll feel better. so for me, ballet has been a place of exploration, a place that I’ve felt at home, even in the hard moments. I’ve, ballet has gotten me through grief, through death, through a lot of really, really painful, hard moments. And it has been a, the, the studio specifically the studio has been a place where I’m able to transform the, the challenging moments of life.

Into something beautiful. I’m through my work, I’m able to bring in all of those challenging moments and make them something bigger.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. And what are you going to miss the most about your career?

Lucien Postlewaite: There is something that is really special about [00:10:00] being so highly tuned, every single day. except for my days off, I’m in the studio training. Mm-hmm. And so having this ability with my body to be so trained, I know that dance will stay with me even when I’m not. A professional dancer. Mm-hmm. but knowing and being able to trust my body that, we are in this relationship that every day I give to it and it gives back to me, that is something, that I, I will definitely miss.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm mm-hmm. Do you plan to keep on, dancing for yourself? Taking classes, moving, even if not professionally.

Lucien Postlewaite: Absolutely. Yeah. I can’t help but move. You’ll see during this interview, my body wants to move. Yeah. and so I don’t know what that looks like. I have, there is a point, I’ve noticed a point in my life where my career.

As much as it’s a joyful space, it is work.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: so I’m looking forward to being on the other side of that and getting to explore what movement looks like when it’s not work.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm.

When

Lucien Postlewaite: I can just [00:11:00] connect with what does my body want to do without needing to go to PT and get massage and do all the things that I do to show up at work.

Rachel Gallaher: Right, right. Or even, I mean, you know, when you are working, you are doing a prescribed series of movements that need to look a very specific way and to take away that constraint. Might be scary, might be exciting, might be freeing, might be all of the above.

Lucien Postlewaite: It’s an unknown, and that’s something I remember we talked about in our last conversation too, is that the ways in which I am contained by our industry.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm.

Lucien Postlewaite: We’re doing a lot of great work to advance our industry, but it is a pretty heteronormative industry. so as a queer person mm-hmm. There parts of myself that don’t always feel invited into the space. Mm-hmm. So I am really looking forward to being in a, a, a, an unlimited container and exploring all the dimensions of what movement is to me.

what showing up [00:12:00] is to me when I’m not limited by the traditions of our work.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm. I like that. That’s beautiful. So, Lucien, last time we spoke, you had mentioned how you ended up at PNB in the first place. Was a little bit of an interesting story. would you mind sharing your, your experiences there for.

Lucien Postlewaite: Absolutely. And I, I love to share this story because it is a story of transforming grief and loss at such a pivotal time in life into a, a new direction. as I mentioned, I was at the School of American Ballet and I received my apprentice contract with the New York State, New York City Ballet, which

Rachel Gallaher: such a big moment,

Lucien Postlewaite: huge moment.

I, I remember feeling when that happened, Peter Martins, who was the director of New York City Ballet, he called in. There were 10 of us who were getting our apprenticeships. Oh my gosh. and we. We, the room was just full of nervous energy. yeah. And I remember leaving and feeling like, this is it. My star is born.

This is the beginning of I’m the small town boy who came to New York. It’s [00:13:00] all happening. And so in that, in that heady space of excitement, my, my colleagues and I, we went out to celebrate. And in that celebration there was drinking involved. Mm-hmm. Which, being a member of the School of American Ballet, they had a very strict, drug and alcohol policy.

And I, I was caught.

Rachel Gallaher: Oh, no.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. So within a space of three days, I went from having my dream sort of given to me, to having it taken away where I was kicked outta the school. I lost my apprenticeship contract, which sent me into a pretty dark spiral. Mm. So I, I flew home back to Santa Cruz from New York and was just in a pretty dark place.

Getting out of bed was not easy. And Ooh. Through that time though, I learned to build myself back, and, and learned how to step by step, put one foot in front of the next. Mm-hmm. And that is how I found my way to Pacific Northwest Ballet, Kent [00:14:00] Francia, who were the directors at the time, they welcomed me.

they had seen me from a summer program that I had attended a year before, and they invited me. If I, if I come and spent a year in the school with them, they would offer me a contract. So I started at p and b with, it was a fresh start.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: though I was also carrying all of the, the weight of where I, I had been.

Rachel Gallaher: I can’t imagine. I mean, was there a moment when you came home where you thought, I will never dance again, or did you know that you would get through it? You couldn’t let this thing go.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, I am closing my eyes and taking myself back there. Mm-hmm. Because I, I don’t. Remember ever thinking, I won’t dance again.

I just didn’t know how I was going to do it. so that question, never, it was never like throw in the towel, right? I just was so in, in a pit of grief that, I didn’t know what my next steps forward would be.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. So then you arrived at [00:15:00] Seattle. you know, Kent and Francia gave you this opportunity, so.

Tell me a little bit about that. How did that go? Did that change your mindset? Were you like, I got this opportunity, I’m not going to do anything to squander it?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, sure. So my, my career from there really took off very quickly.

Rachel Gallaher: Okay.

Lucien Postlewaite: I was very determined. I felt I had something to prove, not only to myself, but to,

mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: To everybody else, which T

Rachel Gallaher: 18.

Lucien Postlewaite: and I did, things worked out really well for me. I put a lot of hard work into, into. Like organizing myself into the dancer that I wanted to be. Mm. So I was given some great opportunities as a very young dancer. I danced Prodigal son in my first season as an apprentice, which was a huge opportunity.

This is a principal role that many principals

Rachel Gallaher: mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: Dream of dancing their whole life. yeah. And so this was a, a pivotal moment also where I, where I had to transform. [00:16:00] My terror. I was terrified of carrying that ballet as such a young person, but transform it into a successful show.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm. That’s a lot of pressure.

Lucien Postlewaite: It was a lot of pressure. So I learned a lot in that space, and I also learned how to connect my life experience with what I brought to the stage because I knew. I knew the, the story of Prodigal son, for anyone who doesn’t know, it’s this journey of, of leaving home, and then going through all sorts of drama.

Rachel Gallaher: Yes, yes.

Lucien Postlewaite: And then returning home and returning to oneself, returning to that, the open arms of the father who is embracing, and I knew that I had experienced deep grief. I was experiencing transformation. so these were things that I could pull on and bring into my performance. Mm-hmm. And make it something.

Really relatable, really human and connected to my experience.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. I have seen you dance that role, not when you were 18, but later in your career. And that is, it was a very, it’s a very emotional [00:17:00] ballet. It’s, In incredible and beautiful, and that role is a very difficult role to dance. you kind of touched on this, but I was curious, how much of yourself do you put into each role that you dance?

Lucien Postlewaite: Hmm. All of it.

Rachel Gallaher: Okay.

Lucien Postlewaite: All of it. And I can give a little more context on that. Yeah. I, when I, as a younger dancer, I, I did feel a separation between. Myself as a human. Mm-hmm. And myself as a dancer, I was really focused on my technique. So I wanted to present an idea of what I thought the audience wanted to see, which was based in technique.

Rachel Gallaher: Okay.

Lucien Postlewaite: And as I’ve grown, I’ve learned to incorporate all of the human elements and, and came to maybe my mid twenties came to have this idea that all of my life experiences are expanding my artistic tool belt, my palette. Hmm. So. Which has served me in many ways. It’s also been challenging because I have sought out situations that will expand me, that have been [00:18:00]

Rachel Gallaher: oh, interesting,

Lucien Postlewaite: challenging, or harmful.

But I’ve, I’ve always embraced the challenge because I know that it is something that I will bring back to my artistry and then be able to create a performance that is somehow more relatable to the audience. Because if I’m bringing all of the wide spectrum of the human experience into my performance.

Then I’m able to connect more deeply with the audience.

Rachel Gallaher: And I think you’re absolutely right. There is something transcendent about watching a dancer or performer who is so emotionally attached to their role that there is almost no. Barrier between them and the role. You know, you can watch somebody up there and see them do a series of beautiful movements, but when they put themselves so deeply in it, it just, that’s changes the art, I think.

Lucien Postlewaite: Absolutely. Something I’ve come to sort of a mantra that I have for myself that I’ve gotten later in my career that I meditate on before every performance is, and I do this in life too, as I ask myself, how [00:19:00] can I be the most available conduit to this moment? Mm. Which means. Getting out of my own way. It means bringing in all of the facets of myself that will make me the most available conduit to the role, to the conversation that I’m having, whatever it is.

because then I’m fully present, then I am there in the moment. In this conversation or on stage,

Rachel Gallaher: do you feel like you owe the audience anything?

Lucien Postlewaite: I feel through that lens, that is my work. If I am, if I am the most available conduit, then I have done my job. I’m very aware of when I’m in my head or outside of that conduit space.

And in that space, I do feel like then I’m doing the audience a disservice by being too in myself.

Rachel Gallaher: That’s, that’s interesting. Well, and I. Feel like not only is that physically demanding, but it must be very emotionally demanding [00:20:00] for you to do that and then to walk off the stage. Return to real life. I mean, that must be such a interesting transition.

Lucien Postlewaite: It is. It is. And and I, you know, I’ve had this long career and I’ve been able to watch myself how I handle that transition. Mm-hmm. As a younger dancer, I would be in the excitement of it all and wanted to go out and celebrate, and there’d be a lot of friends or audience members who were there that we’d wanna connect, and then we’d go and go out to dinner and drinks and celebrate.

now I, I really do take more time to honor that sort of liminal space between performance and then coming back down into real life. So I often will take time in my dressing room to just methodically Mm. Take off my makeup.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: Sit, allow the performance to land. Listen to what happened, replay what happened, and then go forth into my evening.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm mm Uh, what space does self-criticism have there? [00:21:00] I hate to ask that because I feel like I, I danced ballet for a very long time as well, not professionally, but I was incredibly self-critical. You, even if you do great, you come off and you’re like, oh, I missed that one thing, or My arm wasn’t here, you know?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: how do you cope with that?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, that’s a big one. so we train for people who don’t know ballet, we train in front of a mirror. And so we are looking at ourselves in the mirror all the time. And we have our teacher who is also criticizing us. So these voices of criticism become internalized.

Mm-hmm. And to the point that like, I’ve been doing this so long that the mirror is even internalized. I can see myself in the reflection without even having a mirror there.

Rachel Gallaher: Wow.

Lucien Postlewaite: so that, that requires that I have a. Compassionate lens with myself. something that I work with my clients on is transforming a perfectionist mindset into personally defined excellence because the perfectionist mindset is really harmful.

At least it’s been harmful. For me.

Rachel Gallaher: Oh, yeah. [00:22:00]

same, I I can relate to that.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. So, so for example, if I can just bring in a story from today actually, I, was double booked for, for this interview and, was late and the, the old me, the perfectionist mindset me would be focusing on beating myself up.

Mm-hmm. Being self-critical and focusing on all the ways that I had missed the mark. That’s for me what perfectionism is. Yeah. And this personally defined excellence mindset is more, how can I be the best in this moment? So recognizing, okay, I didn’t show up the best as I wanted to, but now how do I, rather than focusing all the things that I’m not, all the things that I’m, that I’m in deficit of, how do I focus on what is the one thing that I can do that’ll help me to show up my best?

Rachel Gallaher: Mm-hmm.

Lucien Postlewaite: So. Here we are.

Rachel Gallaher: I love that. I love that we should all be, have, having a mindset like that. so I, I wanna, go back to a little bit more, back on the timeline again. Yeah. you know, you were at [00:23:00] PNB, you started your career. And then Romeo and Juliet came to town.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: I’m curious to hear about how that impacted the next choices in your career.

and when you went to Monaco.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, that was a moment. Another moment of transformation. I was a soloist in the company at the time and was casted for Romeo, which at the time created a bit of drama in the company. Oh no. Because it’s a principal role. And, there were other principals in the company who were hoping for this, this title role.

And the team from Ballet de Monte Carlo, who brought this version of Romeo and Juliet to us, they really, they really helped shape me. Where and what that looked like was in ballet, there’s a lot of, outward rotation from our legs. Were externally rotated. Mm-hmm. Turned out. Mm-hmm. it’s a lot of the chest being forward and ballet to Monte Carlo.

They really are looking for a dancer that is human, that embodies human qualities. So there was a lot of breaking [00:24:00] me down, interesting. And helping to shape me. Ballet has some, some toxicity around it where it’s like, there can be an idea of like, we need to break you down before we build you up. so there I was in the breakdown of that where, oh boy, where the, the puffed out chest was then softened.

So my sternum could be a more in a human, human presenting, let’s say, whatever that means. Yeah. Whatever that means. they, they help me to feel comfortable in a more inwardly rotated position with my legs.

Rachel Gallaher: Okay.

Lucien Postlewaite: so those are like the, some technical. Things. but this really, opened my eyes to a new way of working, which I was.

I’m so curious. I’m so hungry to learn. Mm-hmm. so I knew that there was more to learn and so this opened my idea to the possibility of moving to Monte Carlo and dancing with them.

Rachel Gallaher: And you did? I

Lucien Postlewaite: did.

Rachel Gallaher: Tell us a little bit about that. [00:25:00] Yeah, it’s a huge decision.

Lucien Postlewaite: It was a huge decision. I felt many ways equipped because, 16, I moved to New York alone, and so I felt like I was, I was 28 at the time.

so I’m like, all right, I’ll move to move to Europe alone. at the time I was married, but we were doing long distance and, I started a new life in Europe and was just hungry and ready to explore a new cultural context, a new way of moving, a new style of company where the company tours most of the year.

So I got to see a lot of the world through that. and all, all the while learning. Taking it all in and processing, how can I use this? How can I, how can I be expanded by these experiences?

Rachel Gallaher: Mm. And obviously you are now with PNB again. Yeah. Yeah. So how did that happen? Sure. What made you decide to to come back?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. I think, you asked at the beginning of the interview how did I [00:26:00] know that I wanted to stop and it was a similar mm-hmm. It’s a similar. maybe intuition. listening to my body, there was something in me that told me, I, at the time I thought that I was going to be retiring soon.

Rachel Gallaher: Okay.

Lucien Postlewaite: I was in my early thirties and preparing for retirement, so I was setting myself up and I thought like I had gained a lot of skills and tools from Ballet De Monte Carlo.

I wanted to. Use those tools as a classical dancer back at p and b because our rep there is more classically influenced.

Rachel Gallaher: Okay.

Lucien Postlewaite: And prepare for my retirement. So all of these things were sort of aligning in my life, which told me it’s time to pack up my bags. All of my European friends were, it was 2016 and they were like, what are you doing moving back to America?

Rachel Gallaher: I mean, understandable.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: At that time

Lucien Postlewaite: I still ask myself that. and. And yet it has been a period of continued growth, continued expansion, in ways that I couldn’t have have imagined.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. [00:27:00] And so tell me what happened when you got back. you know, when we spoke before, you mentioned that it wasn’t exactly the homecoming that you anticipated.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. Yeah, sure. There was a lot of internalized pressure, similarly to how I felt I had to prove myself back when I was 18. I felt again, that I had to prove myself because I, I left with a deep connection to the audience here, to the community. I was like, mm-hmm. A founding member of Whim, whim Contemporary Dance Company, which shout them out.

They’re doing incredible work.

Rachel Gallaher: Yes. They’re love them.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. and, and so it was really known in this community. By leaving, I felt that I had let those connections down. Mm. so I came back feeling like I wanted to prove, like I, yes, I know I was gone, but I’m coming back now more. The language I would’ve used at the time is bigger and better and all, which set me up for a lot of pressure.

I had also, [00:28:00] had some really challenging stuff in my personal life, which was very. Publicly known. So I was coming back into a space where, I felt again that I had to prove and sort of redeem myself, which led me to, I was in this pressure chamber, this pressure chamber, which is with a perfectionist mindset, which with high expectations on myself, led me to crisis.

and sort of, I, I describe it as my personal rock bottom.

Rachel Gallaher: Mm.

Lucien Postlewaite: and through that though, again. Never throwing in the towel has never been something that I’ve considered. At the time in my crisis, I was in such a dark and low place. I didn’t know how to carry forward. I was just lost. But I knew that, that I would find the answers if I put one foot in front of the next mm and learn new lessons because the lessons that I had been using up until that time had gotten me to [00:29:00] that darkness.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. And I know there was a moment when you decided to reach out to get help.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: can you tell me about how that changed your life?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: and you know, a little bit about your personal therapy journey.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for asking. I, in this darkness I was, I was grasping, grasping for. For tools for help.

And a quote that’s come to me later in life that I, I now I think about in this moment is, the, the quote, you may know it, it’s like if you want to go fast, go alone. Mm-hmm. If you wanna go far, go together. And I was very alone. and I, at that, up until that point, I, I was going fast. I was going fast, and I was going alone.

And I didn’t know how to ask for help. And at this, this sort of. Depths of my, my darkness, I, I learned I need to ask for help. I need to look for support. And at the time, that took a lot of work. ’cause I didn’t even [00:30:00] know what my support systems were. I didn’t know it was available so. When I apply myself to something, I go all in.

So my, at that point in my life, my recovery became my focus. So I reached out and connected with a therapist who was very helpful. I connected with the support community, a recovery community that was very supportive and realized all of the resources that were available When I. Looked up, opened my eyes, extended my hand and said like, Hey, I can’t do this alone.

and so through that journey, there’s been a lot of learning, a lot of growth, and it’s also helped to, to crystallize my purpose and my work, which is to help and be supportive of other people and their growth and healing. so that’s a little bit of where I’m at.

Rachel Gallaher: And I know that you were. Brave about sharing your struggles online, on social media.

Why did you decide to go public with it [00:31:00] and and what was the impact of that?

Lucien Postlewaite: There was a multifaceted, Why I did that. Part of it was I was so alone and so I was reaching out. And another element is that I, in that loneliness, in that darkness, if there’s anybody else in the world experiencing that, I didn’t want them to feel alone.

So by me, my whole life, I had presented as this. Tightly packaged onstage persona. And this was an opportunity for me to call out and say, Hey, I’m a human. I’m struggling here. and if you are struggling, you’re not alone. We can hold each other in that struggle. And that is something that I feel really.

Passionate about, continued to this day because when we are struggling it can feel very lonely. And like I said before, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what my support systems were. So even if putting a message out on social media feels like support to somebody, I’m glad for that. I’m glad for that connection.[00:32:00]

Rachel Gallaher: And you got feedback, you had people reach out to you,

Lucien Postlewaite: correct? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I didn’t understand vulnerability at the time and the power of vulnerability, what I learned through like putting my whole self out there, not just a truncated version, but like my whole vulnerable self that it helped transform me and it also helped transform others.

Rachel Gallaher: That’s powerful. Vulnerability, I think is the most powerful emotion that we can give each other. Thank you for sharing that. That’s very beautiful. I wanna flip a, a little bit, maybe, maybe go a little less heavy. but, you know, you’ve danced. So many of the biggest roles in, in the ballet cannon, like you said, from Romeo, you know, to the prodigal son, to the Nutcracker.

what has been the most personally impactful role that you’ve danced or the one that has meant the most to you?

Lucien Postlewaite: I am [00:33:00] like sifting through the catalog. and I love how you ask this question, because often people ask me, what is your favorite role? And that is like an impossible question for me to ask.

I answer, being your favorite

Rachel Gallaher: child,

Lucien Postlewaite: right? Yeah, exactly. so I, I do like to say that, if I am answering that question, my favorite role is whatever I’m dancing in the moment. because I am fully, I find a way to fall in love with whatever role, whatever character I’m presenting on stage. When we talk about impactful roles, Romeo and Juliet, that was a huge one for me.

prodigal son. We already talked about that, but I will also, I like to talk about Basilio from Donte. Mm-hmm. because he is very opposite of who I am as a person.

Rachel Gallaher: Yes,

Lucien Postlewaite: he is body, he is arrogant. He is, yeah. He’s a lot of things that I’m not hyper masculine. so. Like coming into that role, I, I recognize the challenges of how do I embody this and how do I present that [00:34:00] and it.

Transformed my, my toolkit again, I learned new ways of holding, holding my body, presenting myself in a, in a way that would make Basilio believable. even though it’s not me, then I gotta find a way to make myself that character.

Rachel Gallaher: Right. It stretched you.

Lucien Postlewaite: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: And looking back on your career, what are you most proud of?

Lucien Postlewaite: Well, I’ll just say right now my resilience and my curiosity. Those two things have guided me through this incredible career that, like we talk about the young dancer who was at New York City Ballet. Like I thought my career looked one way, and it would’ve looked one way if I had. Followed that path.

But my, my new trajectory and my, my resilience through that and my curiosity to learn new forms of dance, has allowed me to explore the world, explore myself. And the resilience [00:35:00] element is, is I see as a continual thread through my life, the moments where I have been broken and not known how to proceed.

I’ve found the way and I’ve found the courage. let’s add courage.

Rachel Gallaher: Yes,

Lucien Postlewaite: let’s add courage. and now in this period of my life, I guess what I’m most proud of or what I, what I aim. Four is to be of service through my performance. and through my coaching work. If I can create a moment for an audience member where they are able to transcend the moments of their life to connect to something bigger, to connect to hope, love, these attributes that are connecting and bigger than us, that’s really connected to my purpose

Rachel Gallaher: in a way.

If you think about it, it’s almost like the audience is. A part of the performance because they bring their own experiences and values and emotions, and every single night it’s going [00:36:00] to be different. Yeah. and so I think that’s the kind of a very beautiful thing to think about, that you are all performing together.

Lucien Postlewaite: Absolutely. We, we create a relationship. We become this organism. and I, I think about it that like we’re all performing a role when it’s, when we’re outta performance, I’m performing on stage. That’s my role. The audience is also performing their role, which is to come in, to be present, to connect with themselves, connect with each other, connect with what they’re seeing on stage.

When we have these moments of, sometimes in ballet, we’ll have dramatic moments where there’s just, or, or maybe it’s a moment of beauty where you can, you can sense the silence in the house and you can sense that we are all breathing. Together. You can’t, there’s no rustling, there’s no coughing. Those moments for me, I, I cherish them.

And the moments where like time almost suspends and that we’re all held by this magic, [00:37:00]

Rachel Gallaher: if you wanna go far, go together.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, exactly. I love that. Yeah.

Rachel Gallaher: As you step into a new career, and congratulations, by the way, what are you taking with you from your decades of experience in the dance world into this next role?

Lucien Postlewaite: Thank you for that question. I love it. I’m bringing all of it, all of it, all the dimensions that make me me, and helping other people. Through that work to access all the dimensions that make them them. when we’re embracing all the parts of ourselves, the shadowy bits, the darker bits, the shame, the guilt along with the light and luminous bits, then we’re fully aligning ourselves to achieve our greatest outcomes.

I use the word excellence, which can be an intimidating word for people, but I I frame that also with the word accessible excellence. Mm. That like. What makes me excellent is that I’ve shown up every single day and that I’ve been in the practice every single day, which is not unique to me. That is something that is accessible to [00:38:00] everybody.

So humanizing myself and helping other people to understand that whatever their best outcomes are, whatever their dream life is, it is available, and then helping them to break it down into the accessible steps that get them there. Those are the lessons that I’ve learned. Plus like. The academic education that I’ve done and the life experience and all of these things, I bring that to the table so we have a rich space, to explore when we’re, when I’m working in my coaching work.

Rachel Gallaher: You had this really beautiful, metaphor about how you, you know, worked with partners, you know, and did partnering and how that applies to your therapy. Practice. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. Thank you. I love this. So as, as a partner, there are moments when I am lifting my partner or, or partnering them in such a way that the.

Ideas that I’m disappearing, I am helping them to be their most fully [00:39:00] realized. helping them to realize the step in the most beautiful way that they can. So in my coaching work, I have this metaphor where ideally when we’re in the coaching space and we are working through things. I sort of disappear and fade into the background, and I’m helping that person realize things that maybe they couldn’t have on their own, helping give them the lift that maybe gets them to their next highest place.

so it, it is a partnership where I through. Good question. Asking through reflecting back and through offering tools, then I’m helping that person reach their highest heights. which is something that I realized is a continuous thread through my life. I love supporting other people to be their best.

Rachel Gallaher: That’s fantastic. I love that. I love that. And what advice do you have for anyone looking to pivot in their career or who wants to pursue something new but is perhaps afraid of the unknown or of taking that leap?

Lucien Postlewaite: Sure. and this is a space that I work on a lot with folks is, is transition. [00:40:00] And so I am in, in the thick of it right now, transitioning from one life to the next.

The advice that I would offer is that. Transition, I think of it as translation. So we are translating ourselves to, from where we’ve been, to where we’re going. So translation then means learning possibly new skills. If you think about it in a language or a linguistic aspect, it is learning a new language.

So learning what you need to do to get where you’re going, and then bringing. All of yourself into this new place. Transition for me does not ask us to abandon, ship and leave all of the things that we were behind. And I’ve learned that through this process of my own transition, I thought like, okay, I’m going into a new career and so I just, I’m starting from scratch.

No, no. There’s continuity. You have

Rachel Gallaher: this whole part of you that has developed before.

Lucien Postlewaite: Exactly. So how do I translate that into where I’m going, which means it’s less expressive for my body. So it’s learning a new language of like, what are the words that I use [00:41:00] to ask people deep questions to help them reveal more about themselves, to help them understand more about themselves.

and I, I think about this for transition. Any, for any kind of transition, if you’re experiencing loss, if you’re experiencing death, how do I, how do I translate myself from where I was to where I’m going? How do I honor the grief? How do I grieve who I was so that I can celebrate where I’m going and how do I bring that grief along with me?

Because we don’t talk a lot about grief in this world, in this culture,

Rachel Gallaher: right?

Lucien Postlewaite: but it is something that informs our transformation and something that we can learn from and bring with us so that we are honoring the things that we’ve loved, the things that we’ve lost. And then bringing them along with us into where we’re going.

Rachel Gallaher: Hmm. Because grief never really quote unquote, goes away.

Lucien Postlewaite: Sure.

Rachel Gallaher: It just evolves with you.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. And my, my relationship with grief is, is that [00:42:00] grief. Tells, tells me how deeply I love something. The depth of my grief is, is directly related to the depths of my love. And so learning that helps me to be kinder with myself.

It helps me when I, when the grief comes up and I’ve had the moments where I’m being tumbled in the waves and just don’t know where my next gasp of air is going to come from. And in those moments to step out and be like to honor rather than resist. And struggle for air to honor that moment and that it’s telling me how deeply I love the thing that I’ve lost.

Rachel Gallaher: Oof. That gives me chills.

Lucien Postlewaite: It’s deep. Yeah. You said, you said move, move lighter. And I took us

Rachel Gallaher: right back to the deep space. We went right back to deep end. That’s okay. That’s okay. Well, talking about pivoting a little bit lighter, what is your biggest hope for your next chapter?

Lucien Postlewaite: Hmm. I love this question.

Well, my biggest hope in this next chapter would be to help other people to [00:43:00] design their most fully realized life. I get so much from that. For me, that is a space of healing. When we are connected to our purpose. When we’re connected to our passion, whether that’s in our nine to five or other things that we do in life, we are in a space of, of healing.

because if you are connected to purpose, if you want to go far in that space, you have to learn about yourself. You have to listen to yourself. ’cause otherwise you end up getting your own way.

Rachel Gallaher: Oh, yes.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah. So helping people to, to heal the parts of themselves that are obstructing them from their highest.

Version of self. That is the service that I offer as far as wanting, I believe in a more healed world. I believe in a more connected world, a more loving, compassionate world. So my hope, and I would say it’s more than hope. Hope for me sounds like something far away. This is a hope of mine, but I would say it’s also very present in every, every moment I show up in life.

I am grounded in this belief [00:44:00] that we are more connected to purpose and our passion when we are. When we are healing.

Rachel Gallaher: Absolutely. And thank you for sharing that. To wrap it up here, I wanted to give people an opportunity, to find you. So, if you, people are interested in talking to you about coaching, where can they find you and where can people see you?

Dance.

Lucien Postlewaite: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Whatcha working

Rachel Gallaher: on? Yeah,

Lucien Postlewaite: so, if you’re interested in connecting as a coach, my website is lucien X-L-U-C-I-E-N x.com. I’m also, sharing a lot of this journey on social media, on Instagram, which is Lucien Post at Lucien Post. As far as my performing career, I will be performing at the end of May and beginning of June in our All Lang program at PNB Pacific Northwest Ballet, and my final performance.

Please come. I come. It’s gonna be a big party. my final performance is June 7th at six 30 at McCaw Hall. It is [00:45:00] going to feature five excerpts from my career, five big moments, along with some video packages, speeches. I think there might be a glitter drop. so it’ll be a really, a wonderful celebration and a moment for us all to connect and really honor the journey.

Whether you’re an audience member that’s been there from the beginning or a new audience member to celebrate this journey of connection together.

Rachel Gallaher: Well, you had me at Glitter Drop, but I will definitely be there. I look forward to celebrating your career. Lucien, thank you so much for joining us today.

Thank you for your vulnerability and your willingness to open up.

Lucien Postlewaite: Thank you, Rachel. This has been wonderful.