How to Celebrate Alien Abduction Day Like a True Washingtonian

The beauty of Alien Abduction Day (AAD) is that nobody really knows where it came from, much like the aliens themselves. One day, it just appeared. And if any state should fully embrace it, it’s Washington — because according to actual data, we are the second most UFO-obsessed state in the country. The almost-reigning champs of alien sightings, the undisputed near-leaders in wondering whether that light in the sky is something more.

So, how does one properly observe March 20, the day we acknowledge the possibility of being beamed up?

Step One: Get Yourself a Suit

Celebrating AAD properly means dressing the part. If you’re going to see an alien, at least try to look like a government agent, specifically, Fox Mulder or Dana Scully. Two hot, deeply committed federal employees who spent the ‘90s chasing down aliens, government conspiracies, and their own slow-burn attraction to each other.

Are you Agent Mulder, the clean-shavn believer who will absolutely ditch protocol if it means chasing a conspiracy, or are you Agent Scully, the skeptical genius who could perform an autopsy while looking flawless? Do you sigh every time a man tries to explain something to you that you definitely already know? Or do you hunger for something just beyond the edge of what we can prove? 

Step Two: Make a Snack Offering

If they’re coming for us, the least we can do is leave something out. A peace offering, if you will. We suggest:

A Pacific Northwest craft beer — to show them we have good taste.
A Dick’s cheeseburger — because if they’re taking us, they need to know what they’re leaving behind.

Step Three: Design Your Escape Plan

Maybe you’re not in the mood to be beamed up tomorrow. That’s fair. Maybe you have plans. Maybe you don’t feel like getting lightly experimented on before being returned to your driveway at 3 a.m. Options include: 

The depths of Pike Place Market — a maze so incomprehensible even extraterrestrials will give up.
The Fremont PCC parking garage — too much traffic, too many people. Aliens need a place to land, or at least beam you up. You’ll be safe underground.
A cabin on Lopez Island with no cell service — technically, you already left society.

Step Four: Host a Watch Party

Set the mood with a classic alien flick.

Arrival — for the intellectuals.
Signs — for the people who still check their roofs at night.
Fire in the Sky — for those who really want to scare themselves.
Encounters of the Third Kind — for the kids.
Alien — for those who like their aliens uninterested in peaceful communication.

Step Five: Take a Drive (or a ferry ride) to a Known Hotspot

Washington is full of UFO sightings. We are, statistically speaking, one of the most abduction-prone states in the country. So, if you really want to improve your odds, head to:

Mount Adams — one of the best-known UFO hotspots.
The Aurora Bridge — something weird is bound to happen.
Fort Casey — historic, creepy, abandoned.

March 20 is our day to shine. Or at least we can stare at the sky, waiting for something else to.